Youth exists only so that it can be destroyed. Whew. This was a fascinating read. I wish younger me could have read it, say, every 10 years. I hope older me will do so.
Exquisite writing. Thank you. I just celebrated the milestone 70th birthday, causing this to resonate loudly within me. Although I loved the entire post, there were a couple of lines that stopped me in my tracks. "What, then, fills the void where possibility once lived?" "...you retain in old age a keen awareness of the decades stretched out before you, and you desire, with a bewildered sort of desperation, to make them count for something."
At 79, definitely struggling to fill that void. I always felt my wife and I would have these so called golden years together and in typical fashion, I would be the first to die. Thus, we would have each other to fill at least some of that void. But that was not to be. She was diagnosed with FTD, a rare form of dementia, 13 years ago and died 2 years ago, leaving me alone to fill that void. It has been a struggle
As deep and wise and painful and brilliant as anything you've composed that I've had the honour of reading, dear son. If the meaning of life was a question, you have come as close to an answer as is humanly possible.
Hey man this was awesome. I loved it! I am 43 and have been really grieving the loss of my youth. None of my parents or grandparents or aunts or uncles ever did anything but laugh about getting older, at least in my presence. It was well understood I think. They were all tough old Irish peasants. They never expected to stay young, or really seemed to want to. A sinful, self-indulgent wish they'd consider it, I am sure. They all grew old and grey and happy with their spouses. So cool.
I just had to dye my grey hair for the first time yesterday. For so long I left it untreated (even though it’s coming on prematurely) because I thought it motivated me to get my life together and make sure my dreams came true. Then I talked to someone in my Barre class about all the things I’ve done with my time and where I’ve traveled and it made me realize how lucky I’ve already been in my life. Life isn’t a line, with little dots marking our accomplishments. It’s a multifaceted beautiful thing filled with feelings, emotion, growth. And I’m not even the same person I was when I made some of those dreams. Shedding youth has been somewhat liberating because you lose the illusion of no limits. It forces you to focus on what’s important and make some tough choices. It’s been a challenging but gratifying process, especially growing up as a millennial and being told that you can accomplish anything you want to do. No, you can’t. And that’s part of what makes this human life beautiful, like a haiku.
For me, aesthetic reasons. From your pfp, it looks great on you. You look like you are/were a natural blonde. For me, my hair is black and my skin is brown and the greys weren’t evenly grey if that makes sense, some still have some pigment. I found it distracting to look at, and I’m much happier with them colored now. One less thing to think about each day, so I can focus on crushing these goals.
Mine was actually much darker before, like reddish brown. And it's even whiter now than in the pic, which is less than 2 years ago-ish. I was mostly saying that you don't "have" to but of course, doing what you want is awesome!
This should be required reading (and maybe even made into a short film) for all school-aged children so they get the concept of youth and not let that gift slip through their fingers. Thanks for writing this, Jared.
Thank you, Jared Young. When I turned 80 I took it in stride. No big deal. But when my sons turned 50 it hit me like a sledgehammer. They are both good men, the best. Nothing makes me happier.
Well done! Such an evocative framework to consider the notion of ambition alongside the fact of diminishing returns. We will surely die unfinished. Then again, I like to think that the things we are working on in that moment we die will matter to those left behind. I also think that I'm going to miss myself when I am gone.
Hey Jared, I can relate. I never thought I was destined for greatness or anything, but every so often, I’m struck by the realization that I won’t accomplish everything I once thought I would—and that the runway ahead is getting shorter and shorter. Updike, in his Rabbit novels, considered middle age to be 35?! I must be in my ‘golden years’ now, but I still feel—and more often than I should, act—like a youth!
what a beautiful gift this piece, on my 57th birthday no less...I am the same and I am so different. Art does not have to die as we age, I refer to this time as a winter garden, you think there is nothing to sow.. but in fact you find that is not the case.
And a couple of people clicked "Like" on them! And one person even wrote a nice comment.
He copied the comment out onto a sticky note and put it up on the timeline. After a few years the glue dried out and it fluttered to the floor behind the desk. But when he passed away they found it, and remembered his great "moment." His 15 seconds of fame.
I read this line, like much of this piece, as a moment in time “truth” for the author, not meant to be a universal truism for him or others, forever. This is how it feels, right now. I appreciate this line, and the piece as a whole, for the vulnerability laid bare, for the authenticity of the struggle.
This writer is not at the end of his life; when he is, I would be willing to bet that he will write very different words about aging. This is a piece about the pain of that time in life, at least for those of us with youthful burning ambition, when one is walking through the exit doors of Youth; about first grappling with the identity of an aging person, about letting some dreams go and evolving into the next stages of life. It might not feel the same to everyone, but in the midst of it, it can feel very painful indeed, and these words speak to the form of his pain, right now. I am grateful for this writer’s bravery!
Your last sentence is your expression of gratefulness of the writer's "bravery" at expressing that he views losing his youth...walking through the exit doors of his youth as "pathetic and repulsive". 🤔
That’s a pretty reductive interpretation of what I wrote.
Yes, I do find it brave when writers are honest about their feelings and say the hard parts out loud.
What he wrote speaks to how he feels right now, not a universal truth about aging. But the feeling — of self-loathing, being ashamed of oneself and one’s perceived failures, of being regretful, of feeling lost and confused about the shape of one’s life and purpose, sad at losing the luster of youth’s possibilities and potential, not to mention physical youthfulness — that’s a feeling that many can relate to.
It doesn’t mean it’s the only way to feel, or even that the author feels this way all the time. As I said above, I see this as likely an evolving consciousness for him, and if you talked to him in 5 or 20 or 45 years, he’ll probably have something different to say about what he’s learned about aging.
I’m not sure why that’s hard to understand, but I’m not up for an argument today. Cheers and good luck to you.
We agree to disagree. Maybe I found HIS characterization reductive: "pathetic and repulsive". Or maybe that's the totality of his feelings and thoughts about the situation. No problem 😊 Have a good rest of the day.
I did. More than once. I do agree that losing one's youth...especially initially...is very challenging and disconcerting at times. There can be grief involved. Struggle. Denial. Confusion. Irritation. Anticipation. A major period of adaptation.
For him, it apparently involved the two things he named: a sense of being repulsed by it and a sense of it being pathetic. No problem. It is what it is. Every person is unique. Some can relate to his characterization more than others. For you, it showed great bravery. No problem.
I think it's art. I don't think art has to appeal to everyone or describe everyone's experience--how could it do that? Everyone is different. I do think it does capture the feeling of losing attractiveness as you age.
Ironically I had the opposite experience as wealth began to make up for a lack of charm. They want me now, I just have to remind myself why. ;)
That’s often the slippery slope of wealth or fame, no? Do they like me for the things I own? My money? My status? Best to be desired for the character that resides within me! Then strip away all those externals, and one would truly be loved!
I was referring to what some consider, including myself, *great art*.
Others disagree of course and think niche art can be great art. Niche art can be inpactful and striking with a strong, singular, and often controversial point of view.
There was some truth contained in the article, no doubt. But the statement I quoted in my initial comment struck me as off the mark. One person's experience and/or belief.
Yeah, that's true. Some experiences (a parent dying) are universal, some (having a miscarriage) aren't. They're both part of the human condition.
I wrote it off as part of the author's interiority. I mean, I wasn't attractive when I was young, so I personally can't relate. But a lot of people were, and lost that, so it hurts.
Of course a miscarriage is unique and not common to all. But everyone becomes "no longer young" unless they die while still young. The writer summarized the feeling of a huge amount of humanity by characterizing the feeling of no longer being young as "pathetic and repulsive" 🙄 🤔
Beautifully written and imbued with a sour, melancholy truth that I suspect many who read this will feel in their gut
Yep.
Youth exists only so that it can be destroyed. Whew. This was a fascinating read. I wish younger me could have read it, say, every 10 years. I hope older me will do so.
Exquisite writing. Thank you. I just celebrated the milestone 70th birthday, causing this to resonate loudly within me. Although I loved the entire post, there were a couple of lines that stopped me in my tracks. "What, then, fills the void where possibility once lived?" "...you retain in old age a keen awareness of the decades stretched out before you, and you desire, with a bewildered sort of desperation, to make them count for something."
At 79, definitely struggling to fill that void. I always felt my wife and I would have these so called golden years together and in typical fashion, I would be the first to die. Thus, we would have each other to fill at least some of that void. But that was not to be. She was diagnosed with FTD, a rare form of dementia, 13 years ago and died 2 years ago, leaving me alone to fill that void. It has been a struggle
Since you're still here, still writing, still pondering, tells me God has new chapters to write in your life.
💝🫶🏽🌈✨
Right with you, Karen
As deep and wise and painful and brilliant as anything you've composed that I've had the honour of reading, dear son. If the meaning of life was a question, you have come as close to an answer as is humanly possible.
Hey man this was awesome. I loved it! I am 43 and have been really grieving the loss of my youth. None of my parents or grandparents or aunts or uncles ever did anything but laugh about getting older, at least in my presence. It was well understood I think. They were all tough old Irish peasants. They never expected to stay young, or really seemed to want to. A sinful, self-indulgent wish they'd consider it, I am sure. They all grew old and grey and happy with their spouses. So cool.
I just had to dye my grey hair for the first time yesterday. For so long I left it untreated (even though it’s coming on prematurely) because I thought it motivated me to get my life together and make sure my dreams came true. Then I talked to someone in my Barre class about all the things I’ve done with my time and where I’ve traveled and it made me realize how lucky I’ve already been in my life. Life isn’t a line, with little dots marking our accomplishments. It’s a multifaceted beautiful thing filled with feelings, emotion, growth. And I’m not even the same person I was when I made some of those dreams. Shedding youth has been somewhat liberating because you lose the illusion of no limits. It forces you to focus on what’s important and make some tough choices. It’s been a challenging but gratifying process, especially growing up as a millennial and being told that you can accomplish anything you want to do. No, you can’t. And that’s part of what makes this human life beautiful, like a haiku.
who made you dye it? proudly naturally going white over here. It is literally who I am in this moment, so why try to pretend otherwise or hide it?
For me, aesthetic reasons. From your pfp, it looks great on you. You look like you are/were a natural blonde. For me, my hair is black and my skin is brown and the greys weren’t evenly grey if that makes sense, some still have some pigment. I found it distracting to look at, and I’m much happier with them colored now. One less thing to think about each day, so I can focus on crushing these goals.
I will be unapologetically blonde for the rest of my life, regardless of the judgement of the Embrace The Greys lot.
It’s graceful to keep your nose out of other people’s decisions about how they’d like to look.
But really, “who made you dye it?” Surely you were held at gunpoint, because who does that on their own?
Such fuckery. Dye with pride, my friend.
Mine was actually much darker before, like reddish brown. And it's even whiter now than in the pic, which is less than 2 years ago-ish. I was mostly saying that you don't "have" to but of course, doing what you want is awesome!
I stopped dying my hair and generally like it white but in online meetings with either a background or blur my hair disappears. Very annoying.
🙌🏽🫶🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👍🏽💝
This should be required reading (and maybe even made into a short film) for all school-aged children so they get the concept of youth and not let that gift slip through their fingers. Thanks for writing this, Jared.
Thank you, Jared Young. When I turned 80 I took it in stride. No big deal. But when my sons turned 50 it hit me like a sledgehammer. They are both good men, the best. Nothing makes me happier.
Well done! Such an evocative framework to consider the notion of ambition alongside the fact of diminishing returns. We will surely die unfinished. Then again, I like to think that the things we are working on in that moment we die will matter to those left behind. I also think that I'm going to miss myself when I am gone.
Hey Jared, I can relate. I never thought I was destined for greatness or anything, but every so often, I’m struck by the realization that I won’t accomplish everything I once thought I would—and that the runway ahead is getting shorter and shorter. Updike, in his Rabbit novels, considered middle age to be 35?! I must be in my ‘golden years’ now, but I still feel—and more often than I should, act—like a youth!
At 71, I see nothing but blue sky ahead.
Living my best life now!
Youth is wasted on the young...
Amen! Still the same at 82.
Beautifully written Jared. If it is any comfort at all, you seem very young to me! Keep writing.
what a beautiful gift this piece, on my 57th birthday no less...I am the same and I am so different. Art does not have to die as we age, I refer to this time as a winter garden, you think there is nothing to sow.. but in fact you find that is not the case.
Even after 86 years I'm still trying - there's always another day until there isn't
But then he started a Substack.
And he wrote a short item or two.
And a couple of people clicked "Like" on them! And one person even wrote a nice comment.
He copied the comment out onto a sticky note and put it up on the timeline. After a few years the glue dried out and it fluttered to the floor behind the desk. But when he passed away they found it, and remembered his great "moment." His 15 seconds of fame.
The following from this article is not universal and doesn't transcend like great art does:
"That's how it feels, most of the time, to no longer be young: pathetic, repulsive."
Was this written by a young person imagining what it feels like or a no longer young person who has issues? 🤔
I read this line, like much of this piece, as a moment in time “truth” for the author, not meant to be a universal truism for him or others, forever. This is how it feels, right now. I appreciate this line, and the piece as a whole, for the vulnerability laid bare, for the authenticity of the struggle.
This writer is not at the end of his life; when he is, I would be willing to bet that he will write very different words about aging. This is a piece about the pain of that time in life, at least for those of us with youthful burning ambition, when one is walking through the exit doors of Youth; about first grappling with the identity of an aging person, about letting some dreams go and evolving into the next stages of life. It might not feel the same to everyone, but in the midst of it, it can feel very painful indeed, and these words speak to the form of his pain, right now. I am grateful for this writer’s bravery!
Your last sentence is your expression of gratefulness of the writer's "bravery" at expressing that he views losing his youth...walking through the exit doors of his youth as "pathetic and repulsive". 🤔
That’s a pretty reductive interpretation of what I wrote.
Yes, I do find it brave when writers are honest about their feelings and say the hard parts out loud.
What he wrote speaks to how he feels right now, not a universal truth about aging. But the feeling — of self-loathing, being ashamed of oneself and one’s perceived failures, of being regretful, of feeling lost and confused about the shape of one’s life and purpose, sad at losing the luster of youth’s possibilities and potential, not to mention physical youthfulness — that’s a feeling that many can relate to.
It doesn’t mean it’s the only way to feel, or even that the author feels this way all the time. As I said above, I see this as likely an evolving consciousness for him, and if you talked to him in 5 or 20 or 45 years, he’ll probably have something different to say about what he’s learned about aging.
I’m not sure why that’s hard to understand, but I’m not up for an argument today. Cheers and good luck to you.
We agree to disagree. Maybe I found HIS characterization reductive: "pathetic and repulsive". Or maybe that's the totality of his feelings and thoughts about the situation. No problem 😊 Have a good rest of the day.
Hm, did you read the rest of what I wrote?
I did. More than once. I do agree that losing one's youth...especially initially...is very challenging and disconcerting at times. There can be grief involved. Struggle. Denial. Confusion. Irritation. Anticipation. A major period of adaptation.
For him, it apparently involved the two things he named: a sense of being repulsed by it and a sense of it being pathetic. No problem. It is what it is. Every person is unique. Some can relate to his characterization more than others. For you, it showed great bravery. No problem.
I think it's art. I don't think art has to appeal to everyone or describe everyone's experience--how could it do that? Everyone is different. I do think it does capture the feeling of losing attractiveness as you age.
Ironically I had the opposite experience as wealth began to make up for a lack of charm. They want me now, I just have to remind myself why. ;)
That’s often the slippery slope of wealth or fame, no? Do they like me for the things I own? My money? My status? Best to be desired for the character that resides within me! Then strip away all those externals, and one would truly be loved!
I was referring to what some consider, including myself, *great art*.
Others disagree of course and think niche art can be great art. Niche art can be inpactful and striking with a strong, singular, and often controversial point of view.
There was some truth contained in the article, no doubt. But the statement I quoted in my initial comment struck me as off the mark. One person's experience and/or belief.
But no problem. An opinion piece.
Yeah, that's true. Some experiences (a parent dying) are universal, some (having a miscarriage) aren't. They're both part of the human condition.
I wrote it off as part of the author's interiority. I mean, I wasn't attractive when I was young, so I personally can't relate. But a lot of people were, and lost that, so it hurts.
Of course a miscarriage is unique and not common to all. But everyone becomes "no longer young" unless they die while still young. The writer summarized the feeling of a huge amount of humanity by characterizing the feeling of no longer being young as "pathetic and repulsive" 🙄 🤔
I guess. We can agree to disagree, I think. It's overall a good essay.
Agreeing to disagree sounds good.
Yes, it stood out to me too.